“I haven’t come this far, only to come this far.” A quote I remember reading once.
When we remove the toxic untruths of self, we gain the momentum of daily recovery. How long have I been sober, one might ask? I don’t count the days of my past anymore. Sobriety begins today, again. It is a daily Reprieve.
Keep it Simple.
A phrase often heard, often spoken by folks in recovery.
I meditate with these upcoming sentences. They are leaves drifting peacefully onto the Earth. Each sentence slowly reaches the ground. My ground. My foundation. The daily reprieve rises respectfully from the foundation. I am not the same person I was before sleep last night. I am not the same person from 5 minutes ago. There are lessons to be learned with each passing moment.
Recovery is depicted into 3 aspects for me. They are Mind. Body. Spirit. These aspects contribute to my human and spiritual make-up everyday that I breathe. Mind, Body, Spirit. The Daily Reprieve.
Our precious minds. My mind is geared in drive mostly, even as I sleep. I am careful to not overthink the business of my mind, rather let the thoughts in and let them go. I play with thoughts as long as they are beneficial for use in becoming the person I would like to be. I keep my mind from trickling down the toxic roads. Toxic roads such as, negative self-talk, self loathing, gossip and thinking “I am never good enough.” These thoughts are poisonous.
I begin each morning with 3 daily goals. They can be as simple as “fold the laundry”. They can be as intense as, “write the essay for the recovery blog.” My goals usually occur as this.
1. Do the dishes.
2. Do 100 pushups.
3. Take a nap.
I most likely will accomplish all of these goals. In my alcohol drinking days, I made a list of several goals. By the end of the day, I would see I didn’t accomplish all 15 goals, therefore feeling like a failure. Therefore, feeling overwhelmed by the personal fail. Therefore, drinking my failures away with beer and wine. Throwing in the towel. “I am stupid. I am not good enough. I couldn’t even find time to pay that bill.” Toxic.
This got me thinking.
There can not be more than 3 important tasks in a day.
List the top 3 tasks for today. Just for today. Achieve them.
I achieve them.
I get Rock Star Status as I pat myself on the back. (Drinking my Tumeric Ginger Tea).
I am not stupid. I am good enough. I found time to fulfill the most important tasks. For today, I win.
Sometimes my goals are this:
Sometimes, all we really need to do, in a day, is…
Perfectly acceptable to stay alive.
The mind works alongside the body. Happy body, happy mind and vice versa. I am certain to perform some kind of physical fitness in a day. Mostly, I have found that 100 push ups, 5 minutes solid on my boxing bag and planks do the trick. Boxing the bag comes as a great cardio release. Also, a wonderful release of unproductive feelings. I imagine the boxing bag to be a feeling I can not conquer through writing or thought. For example, loneliness. The bag becomes the loneliness. I hit that bag until I am so tired that I am not lonely anymore. I become simply ready for rest. In doing this, I have mastered ownership of the feeling. Knocking it out. I don’t let the feeling beat me. I beat it. In the meantime, I have broken a sweat, gained muscle power and my serotonin levels have reached a high. This high mimics the high I thought I was receiving from alcohol and drugs. Yet without the luring depression, anxiety and illusions.
Exercise, as a previous counselor once told me, is the best form on non prescription medication one can take.
I have prescribed myself exercise, daily. It is always included as one of my Mind goals.
My diet is clean.
I eat only from my home. Nourishing myself with vitamins and minerals. An example of my diet is this:
Eggs, nuts, leafy greens, fruit, honey, herbal tea, lean meat.
No fast food.
I have noticed that when I am not eating accordingly for my health, my body and mind decline.
We can trade in our alcohol and other drugs for anything, food included.
I have firmly confirmed that foods can be just as toxic as anything else. Poisonous and unrewarding.
Food can be toxic. Food is another addiction.
I choose to abstain from that addiction, as well.
The wonderful Love I have for the Spirit.
I connect to the Divine Spirit through meditation. When one embarks on the idea of meditation, they often think of criss-cross applesauce. Eyes closed. Complete silence for a period of time. Null of thought.
I have come to the conclusion that this kind of meditation does not quite work for me.
I meditate through the vision of poetry.
I meditate through the power of song writing.
I meditate through the strings of a chord.
I meditate by watching the leaves wave in a tree.
I meditate by star gazing, cloud gazing, river gazing.
Who I want to become.
I meditate this.
Through meditation, I have realized what my purpose is in this life. It is to help folks while continually helping myself. With the spirit of Faith and my connection to the Divine, I feel I will fulfill my purpose. With opened ears, an opened heart and opened eyes, I can better understand my fellow human warriors. I can catch folks in their fall, in their turmoil. Safely ground them with Grace and Humility.
This is my purpose.
The Daily Reprieve.
We can take away the alcohol and other drugs.
We can call ourselves sober.
For myself, I choose to remove all toxins from my daily living. For in doing this, I am 100 percent in Recovery.
I will only be recovered daily. I will be in Recovery, for life.
“Alcohol is a Veil. Covering Reality. With giddy Illusions. Dreams that die, when we are awake.”- Nicole
You get the Life you were meant to have.
Never give up.
My name is Nicole. I live in Washington State. I am a single, co-parenting mother to my 6 year old son.
I am recovering on a daily basis. I spent 30 days in treatment in the year 2014. I am living the life I have created out of the love for myself, and the love for my son. Self care always come first. It is not possible to take care of anything, or anyone else if I don’t care for self. I am happy to do so. Recovery has given me my life. I am forever grateful.